one year...

this is from CFJAX trainer, Whit:

"The rabbit hole is as far wide as it is deep. And sometimes looking back it is hard to see the light where the tunnel began. It’s been almost a year since I walked through the looking glass and in many respects away from all of you. I just wanted to send an internet public consumption friendly update on how things have been going and what I have been up to lately. Over the past year I have split my time between Chicago and Southern California. Looking back Chicago wasn’t as bad as it all seemed but then again I am very happy I escaped that place when I was able too. I was able to go a few times at one of the last cathedrals to the game, Wrigley Field, which is a must. I also got to experience the complete debaucherous nature of Wrigleyville; it is definitely an outright shit show following a game but is a great time. The surrounding areas around Chicago are pretty, and even the sunrises along the lake rank up there with my other travels. I think I would like to go back and spend time in the city as a grad student or something, get a chance to fully appreciate and experience it, delve a little deeper. I will say this though; I would rather slit my wrists than ride in a cab any time soon. Fucking death machines driven by shysters. Around June I got to leave the Mid-West to fully embrace SoCal summer, which was not even on the same level of Southern misery. It was great to be back to the ocean, to smell the salt of the sea. It was definitely an exciting time, one that I had been visualizing and anticipating for a very very long time. After the beginning of August it was nice to have that major burden off of my shoulders, to have stepped into the arena and come out on the other side. I had walked into the darkness of myself and emerged with a group of like minded people. We were definitely a bunch of jesters, more interested in finding the humor rather than being vindictive about our short comings. We took our medicine and continued right along into the next round. Everything was cruising right along. At the end of August I moved into a place in North Park, a little borough just north of Balboa Park. I live there with my lady who has endured a lot of my selfish tantrums and struggles over the past few months. Everything was almost too good, I was kicking ass professionally and I was in the process of putting my personal life back together, and the future held what seemed to be very bright and promising certainties. Then life came along and hit me like a semi, t-boning a minivan in a busy intersection. My heart had become full and drunk and lazy, for weeks feasting on the comforting laughter of my brothers, my family around me. And after this incident, I realized that I cannot cope when I am filled with such happiness, it breeds contentment, it breeds complacency. It’s funny, the moment you feel like you’ve got it all beat, the moment you feel like you’re untouchable, you are doomed for failure, you are doomed to be struck down from your place of honor. You’ve lost your reverence, you’ve lost your humility, and victory is never afforded to the victims of hubris. The consequences are dire, and in this case I almost lost everything, almost lost myself. It definitely changed me; I think wisdom doesn’t come from everything working out. Wisdom does not live in the plots of fairy tales. Wisdom comes from striving and falling short, from faltered focus at the wrong moment, from unskillful action. Wisdom is the byproduct of enduring failure, heartbreak, and disappointment. Wisdom is earned with sweat and blood and if you are still around to realize your folly, the luck of being able to apply the lessons of yesterday to the problems of tomorrow. Luck definitely smiled upon me during this instance. I was given another chance, but I had to wait. And in waiting I lost my brothers in many respects, the group I had been with 18+ hours a day for almost 10 months moved forward while I stalled. It was a very low period, filled with doubt, tension, and anxiety. But I rebounded, recentered, found my front sight and got back on target. And the next time around I was back in the fight with a vengeance. It’s a funny thing when you’re fighting with nothing to lose. Every day you strap up you are going for broke. Every day you are fighting to keep your job, keep your paycheck, and keep your future. It was definitely a nerve wracking time at home as well and I am sure that I was insufferable. But we pulled through, and we triumphed. The next time through I was able to keep my head on a swivel and keep my head locked into the game. That feeling of triumph was more intense than anything I have ever felt, more exhilarating than any extreme sport I’ve ever done. Jumping out of airplanes, rock climbing, mountaineering, cliff jumping, white water canoeing, hurricane surfing. This was way more intense and lasting of a high. Like a continuous drip into my veins. It reenergized me. The realities of my professional life are at times outright depressing but this is what I love to do, there really is no other way to put it. And overcoming all that doubt I had and second guessing that I found myself doing following the derailment just took me to a whole other level of job satisfaction because you just don't get that feeling anywhere else. I am not the best at what I do, every day is a battle for me, probably my weak genes. The guys I work with are amazing individuals, it really is a place where you have to struggle and fight just to be average let alone exceptional and when everyone is on such a high playing field it comes down to your character. It comes down to how you relate to your coworkers and the overall welfare of the group. We are all pack animals. I love my job, I love the people I work with, and I wouldn’t trade anything in the world to be where I am at right now. I am currently wrapping up another round of work and will be taking a few weeks for the Christmas break to head back to Florida. It has been what has felt like a lifetime, and I kind of have that nervous/excited thing going on. Time will be short but I’ll take whatever I can get. I always wrote off a lot of my time in FL as just being a stepping stone to where I am at now but the distance has helped me realize just how much I miss the people, how much all my friends and family mean to me back in the sunshine state. I don’t get much time to show that, and to be honest I am pretty much emotionally inept as it is so even if I had the time I probably wouldn’t know what to do with it but I hope that I get a chance to sit down and have a drink or two in the next few weeks. Break starts the 18th and I will likely be in FL until just after Christmas but it is all fluid at this point. Check in on me, send me a text or a message or post on my wall, let me know where you’re at and what you’re doing, how you’re doing so I can get in touch with you once I get back to the East Coast…the Right Coast.As for what comes after the break, well life goes on, and it’s a long way to the top if I want to rock and roll. Some things I’ll be able to talk about, other things not so much. But either way I’ll try and update everyone as best I can and stay in touch a little bit better this next spin around the sun.Travel Well."

-whit.